Tuesday, May 18, 2010

She has autism....

After what seems like years fighting against my child (literally), fighting with schools , fighting with doctors... fighting FOR my child... it came down to three words. She. Has. Autism. What did you just say??

I felt like I'd been punched in my gut. My family was at home waiting on me. My mother. My grandmother. My husband. I sat there bawling and listening to the doctor give me the required information. I got in my car and bawled some more. How was this even possible?? My beautiful little angel... my best friend. It felt like a life sentence. I didn't know where to turn. I didn't know what to do. I "got tied up" and drove an extra hour crying and crying. What did this mean for us? What in the hell does it even mean?? I'd be lying if I said I didn't know before I was "told", but it was never real before that moment.

I pulled myself together and finally went home. I super played down what I was told. "Oh, it's not a big deal. We'll just do some therapies and she'll be fine". If I said that often enough, maybe I would believe it?